Mommy's Time Out, With "The Kids"

While this title alludes to a popularly sold wine that embraces the current Mommy Wine Culture, this entry is actually about my time out from my life, work and home - time spent at rehab. I entered my first rehab in Jan. 2017 and had my previously conceived notions about what 'treatment' would be like blown away.

Some myths about residential treatment that may serve you and the general population to know:

1. It's a shame to have to go. It's not. Let go of that right now. Its brave to be willing to go and necessary to fight a deadly illness.

2. You will come out of it "cured" and ready to positively engage in life as a new and improved version of the old you. Keep dreaming. Thanks to insurance companies, time in residential treatment is about a third of what most people need it to be. Residential treatment is the first step in a process of growth and change.

3. You or your loved one will never drink or use again after going away to treatment. Addiction is a sneaky devil; a chronic relapsing disease. If you or a loved one never relapses after treatment, you are in the minority. But don't loose hope. We do recover.

4. Its chi-chi. Its not. Some treatment centers are better than others in terms of making a person feel comfortable and human- like while spending a difficult month away from home and family, but it is no vacation. I attended one very expensive treatment center that had the entire group waking up at 6:00 a.m. to do fucking cross- fit, and rotating turns at doing dish duty for a party of 30 because it was "meditational".

5. Its too expensive. Having insurance absolutely helps with residential treatment, but the average out of pocket cost ranges to that around the cost of a new car. Is your life worth the cost of a car? One hundred percent. Sometimes it takes a while to realize just how much your life depends on making that investment however.

6. Its a big kum-ba-yah where everyone holds hands and does the Serenity Prayer, similar to Sandra Bullock's experience in '28 Days'. Hollywood is about as accurate a depiction on rehab as 'Friends' is of your real life. Connections are to be made, for sure, and you will definitely see some tears. You will also get to some some of the most impressive 'badassery' in your life. But you are there for one person- you.

7. You can't be away from your life. Bullshit. Most people contingent in your life are happy to see you go to treatment and will work hard and adapt their lives to see you get better.

8. Its like a hospital setting.

So... what was it like on my first day at my first residential treatment? Well, I had physically detoxed under medical supervision in a clinic for a couple of days and then it was deemed that I was ready to go to "the ranch". I road out there to the serene mountain home site. As the driver/ detox technician/ counselor was helping me get my personal belongings (which had all been thoroughly searched) out of the car, a young woman (girl?) approached me. She introduced herself as a fellow client and shared that she was outside hoping to have a cigarette but did not think that would happen. She then told me, very directly and clearly that, make no mistake, while I was there I would learn to work the Steps and would follow the AA or NA program, whichever fit my drug of choice. In the following light chit- chat that ensued she shared that she was there for a three month stay seeking recovery for her heroin addiction. She also shared that she was twenty years old.

I was immediately impacted by the seriousness with which this young lady took her commitment to be in treatment. This challenged my stereotypical thinking of a twenty year old taking anything that they "had to do" seriously. This challenged my idea that treatment was a "health touch- up/ lifestyle improvement" that would leave me feeling better. Apparently it was much more. I was intrigued.

I came to learn that the woman who greeted me that day, which was not prompted at all by staff, by the way, had been in treatment for 60 days and had spent the recent Christmas and New Years' Holidays there. I expressed how sad this must have been for her. She responded that it wasn't nearly as sad as her nodding off and drooling on herself on the sofa during family Holiday gathering would have been. This was a person who wanted recovery with every ounce of her being. I was inspired by her story and by her willingness to live.

Later that day, the entire group prepared to go by van into town to attend an AA meeting. My only previous experience with AA involved a woman cautioning me against '13th steppers' when I was 19, so I had directly distanced myself from the program and continued to drink for twenty more years. At this treatment center, the "girls" that I had been introduced to, seemed incredibly willing, even excited to be going. Some of these young ladies, ages 19 and 20, began prepping as if going out on a hot date an hour before we were supposed to leave. There was no resistance, arguing, eye rolling, or down talking about having to attend a meeting. They were preparing for this with absolute respect and reverence. I was further intrigued.

I came to learn from "the kids" as I called the vivacious and sailor- mouthed young adults who made up most of the population of that treatment center, that Alcoholics Anonymous/ Narcotics Anonymous was the life preserver tossed out to those of us drowning in addiction. When a person is grasping for a life saving device, there isn't room for cynicism, criticism or doubt. Yes, there are people who get clean and sober without it; they are in the minority of recovered people. Yes, there are people who have tried it and didn't like it; hopefully they found another worldwide, free- of cost, member- led, recovery program that honors their right to belong anonymously. What the kids had learned was a simple truth. A continued life of drugs and alcohol would lead to worsening physical and mental health and possibly death; giving the program of AA/NA a try would lead to possibly having a 22nd Birthday.

I am not sure if all of those "kids" are still alive to this day. I left treatment 45 days after my check- in with intentions to fervently stay in touch with them all. Several months out of treatment, I had lost touch. I had heard that some had gone on to get new jobs. I had heard that the young cigarette smoker who first greeted me in treatment had relapsed and was back in for another round. I am not sure how and where those kids grew up, or if they even did despite their addiction. I do know however, that if any one of them did OD, or die in a vehicle accident, or complete suicide, as happens to those with addictions, they died with a spiritual program and a God of their own understanding. These kids learned young, through AA/ NA lessons that some people take a lifetime to grasp.